I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
More paternity leave everywhere, yes please.
Make it a year of pto, and you get to spend that time over the next 18 years. I’d happily take a week after birth and then more time off later as they get older.
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
They were not “just born to be one”, it’s just the propaganda is so strong
We are all exposed to the same propaganda.
Americans are weird.
Honestly the time with your partner and kid is precious irreplaceable.
Anyone who’s weird about it is insecure about their own paternal involvement.
Paternity leave is a no brainer for families of all stripes. Both spouses should have time off to care for their children in the first year of their life, especially during the vulnerable first year before they are immunized against dangerous diseases. And I’m in a same sex relationship, so I’m definitely using it when we are ready to have kids, haha.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Edit: adding onto this, all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations. It’s insane that some women’s do, but men’s do not.
Honestly, each parent should have 6 mo of paid leave.
Heck yes. 12 weeks is nothing. The baby still needs a ton of help at this stage.
all men’s bathrooms should have changing stations
This is unfortunately one of those things that people care about greatly for a very short time when it affects them and then never more. It never really gets any traction.
Thankfully it never was much of an issue to me, even if I almost singlehandedly changed every single diaper due to my wife having a bad shoulder. I quickly learned to change a diaper everywhere. On the floor, in the car, busting into the ladies nursery rooms, just everywhere. I got so good at it, that I bet I could change a diaper faster and cleaner than a Formula One wheel even without a table.
Nobody ever complained. The only odd situation was when I busted into a nursing room full of muslim women where a young mother was breastfeeding. Her entourage gave me quite the looks and standing in my way shielding her, so I said “I need to change diaper”. The mother looked up and everyone was watching her for a reaction, but she smiled and said “It’s right over there” pointing me to the changing table. It was quite the stinker, so I apologized on my way out.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
And that is why paternity leave is really important for the father and baby.
However. I admit. This is not the best way to change diaper. A good diaper change is not fast. It’s a time for bonding. It’s not something I want to do in a public space with the rest of the family waiting for us, but at home, it’s the perfect time to get some eye contact with the baby and confirming that, yes, your father is there for you to get you out of all the shit you get yourself into. It’s perfectly fine if it takes half an hour in which most of the time is spent playing peak-a-boo. It’s a chore, but it’s also a much needed break from other chores. And this counts for both parents at the same time. Your partner would love nothing more than for you to disappear with the baby for half an hour.
I love this perspective. I’ve definitely become inured to diaper changes and I try to get them done as fast as possible, but this is sweet and you’re right, it’s a moment for some low key play, eye contact and for them to know you’re taking good care of them. What a nice way of looking at cleaning up poop 😆
Your coworkers are fucking idiots.
I too recognize that this person’s coworkers are fucking idiots.
I three recognize that this person’s coworkers are fucking idiots.
Most men are hard working and want to support their families
… which is exactly why you should take paternity leave and support your family, instead of abandoning them for 8 hours a day at work. I’d feel like a total asshole if I just took off and said, “Good luck with the baby, honey. I’m gonna go hang out with my friends at work.”
8 hours a day plus whatever the commute time is (times two)
Lunch isn’t included; 8-5 is 9 hours…
I went through the same thing when I took my paternity leave. Other male coworkers bragged about how they went back to work the day after their kid was born.
It’s a culture thing where our society is conditioned to be boot lickers for the ruling class. I responded to them at the time, “Congratulations on being a bad father, I’m going to take every day entitled to me”
Don’t fall into their trap.
Yup. Had old union buddies I was talking to after my first, and I brought up that he had a diaper blowout earlier, and they were like “I’ve never changed a diaper in my life!”
Just told them " damn, I’d be too embarrassed to admit I were that bad of a father in public…"
I find it hilarious when people brag about things they think are cool but it just makes them look like dumbasses.
“Lol I can drink 24 beers in one sitting”
“I never call in sick, I can be hacking up a lung and I’m still there at the office”
On and on…
These are the idiots that put the ruling class in the position that they hold today. Is it any wonder why they have so much power?
There’s nothing impressive about a man going back to work the day after their child was born unless they somehow popped the newborn out of their precious little asshole.
All it means is that they’re willing to put their wife at risk of post partum depression and that they don’t give a shit about their child. Not a thing to be proud of there.
Its amazing. Especially if you take it when mom goes back to work. That’s your time to figure out how to be a parent. Not what works for mom or grandparents. Your thing between dad and baby. I figured out I had to take walks around the block to get baby to nap. I think of that sometimes now when she’s big. Also: if they give you shit: say - “I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want to spend more time with your kids.”
My wife’s a gig worker and does mostly weekends in summer so I usually get all of that time to be a parent on my own, and while I miss my wife a lot, I love being the sole parent. My son and I have such a different flow than him and my wife and it’s so interesting to see.
That first summer with our oldest was rough, he was only a few months old, I was working 2 jobs just so we could scrape by so he didn’t really know me yet, he screamed and screamed but eventually we got in a good groove and I found a spot on his back that if I rubbed put him right to sleep. That spot still works 3 years later
You are surrounded with workaholic, misogynists. My company gives full pay for 12 weeks for mothers and fathers. Several of my coworkers, mostly men, have used their leave in full (usually 9 weeks together and the other 3 broken up). Nobody ever looks down on people for taking leave.
Maybe they would take all of it if it was for full pay. Ya’ll motherfuckers need a union.
Honestly it took me years to lose the American work mindset. It was destroying my brain.
Take the leave and feel no shame. Others are reacting because you taking leave challenges their understanding of work. Something that is exceedingly rare in the US.
People are idiots. Why would you give up a benefit you’re legally entitled to? Nobody is going to as much as thank you for that.
In the US fathers don’t have any legal right to take time off from work. It’s expected that you would miss at most a few days for the hospital visit.
Fathers don’t have a lot of legal rights there, don’t they (“There” as in USA)
Swede here. Taking care of your family means being an active parent and a sharing partner.
I took 18 months paternity leave with our firstborn so my partner could finish their degree.
What moron would pass up on 85% paid leave??
Furlough was such a sweet deal during the covid lockdowns. Like 80% pay and no work? Sign me up!
What you’re missing is full brainwashing from the patriarchy, from the bootlicking capitalists.
Any partner who can but doesn’t support their partner and newborn is an ass.
Any partner who can but doesn’t take advantage of the leave benefit they earned is giving free money to their employer overlords like an absolute cuck.
Be revolutionary, put your family over your employer.
Be revolutionary, put your family over your employer.
If that’s revolutionary, we may be beyond saving.
